What Does ‘Taking a Break’ Mean?
The Meetcha Live blog talked about divorce being catchy earlier in the month (see: Have you caught the divorce bug?) but I hear more about ‘taking a break’ than anything else these days. The problem is, most folks don’t really know what taking a break really means, which leads to more heartache than I have time to counsel.
One reader summed it up for me nicely the other day: “Taking a break means not cutting ties to each other, but postponing the relationship temporarily to see where things are at.” I like the definition, other than the ’see where things are at’ part, because its vague and doesn’t list specifics.
To me, taking a break means taking a step back from a relationship that isn’t meeting one or both partner’s needs, and reviewing how the relationship fits into their life picture over the long term. Its about re-evaluating or redefining the relationship without the stress of the relationship itself.
The problem with ‘taking a break’ is that few people actually define what it means for their relationship. Does it mean one or both of you can see other people, or do you not want to muddy the waters with more? Can you contact each other (like texting), or do you really take a break from interacting on all levels? When does the break end, and how will either of you know it? What outcome(s) are one or both of you hoping for from taking a break, and do both parties know it?
The only book I’ve read that tackles this touchy subject is one I’ve talked about briefly earlier this month: Don’t Break Up, Make Up by Dr. Bonnie Weil (Buy Direct). In it, Weil suggests that couples she counsels take a break to save their relationship, and outlines specific requirements to ensure everyone’s needs are met. For those of you currently taking a break, I highly recommend it.
But what about you? Have you ever taken a break? Why? What happened? Was the outcome positive, or worth it to you? Why or why not?
Related: Take a Dating Break, What Not To Do After a Breakup, Can You Break Up to Make Up?
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